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Mickey Rooney Wastes Some Terrorists

Dream | February 7, 2011

So... I'm eating a subway sandwich on a paper plate while walking up the steps to the house in Mokuleia. In the living room four Arabs are threatening Mickey Rooney, his wife and an older man with tattered AK-47s. The terrorists — two men, a woman, and a teenage boy — are screaming in some language and I have this idea they are on TV making demands or some political statement. Generally, terrorists don't have anything the world wants to hear so they have to make a big noise and threaten people to get heard.

The captives are kneeling on the floor with their hands behind their heads, and the terrorists are pouring gasoline all over them. A fiery explosion and the living room is a roiling chaos. I see the outlines of bodies writhing but lose track of everybody in the confusion.

A strange intermission vision. The newspaper arrives. Parliament has condemned the death of Mickey Rooney and his family at the hands of terrorists. Two outspoken members suggest tracking down the terrorist group and capturing all of its members worldwide, but the overwhelming majority says there's nothing they can do.

Then Mickey Rooney appears like Rambo on a stairway overlooking the burning room. Shirtless and wearing a red Christmas tie wrapped around his forehead he raises a broom like a spear. It's an old-school broom with coarse grasses tied around a dowel, and the handle end has been crudely sharpened. With a crazy expression on his face he hurls it like a javelin across the room and impales a screaming terrorist against the wall. Then he vanishes!

The room is still savagely burning. In the middle of the flames Mickey Rooney pops up suddenly next to the teenage boy, with the woman standing off to one side. He raises a baseball bat and beats the boy with it, but the boy is unhurt. The kid raises his hands and shouts that he is invincible! At that, Rooney swings the bat like a golf club and cracks the boy directly in the testicles once, then twice. Frozen in pain, the boy just stands there while Rooney shoves the bat like a bayonet into both eye sockets until the teenager falls dead to the floor. Then he turns around while swinging the bat and decapitates the woman.

The final terrorist standing near the door turns and runs out onto the porch with Mickey Rooney chasing after him with a long survival knife.

Still munching my sandwich I stroll out after them, into the lovely sunshine of Oahu's North Shore. Walking across the grass towards Farrington Highway I pass the mutilated body of the last terrorist, his back a bloody mess from numerous stab wounds.

The front apartment is the Parliament chamber, and I see Mickey Rooney inside giving a passionate speech about hunting down the enemies of freedom. His enthusiasm has riled up the normally conservative members, and as I wake up they're all passing around and signing some document that pledges to go kick some ass.

Tags   Violence   Destruction   Crime   Celebrities   Death

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