My New Haunted House
Dream | April 5, 2013
I park my van in a lot. All the dogs jump out through a gaping hole in the floor and go running around ecstatically. Bounding into the street, Kira almost gets hit by a car which went driving through without seeing her and she kinda got bowled over and went tumbling down the road in a rolling cloud of dust. I rush down all freaked out but she is okay. I’m angry at the other dogs for running out without permission so I bring them all back and put them into the vehicle.
The darkness inside the van expands out and becomes a huge old house that I have just purchased. I'm walking upstairs on creaky wooden steps through this vast wooden wilderness, bumping into old furniture. Like a blind shut-in I’m feeling my way around in the creepy darkness. A strange knock coming from somewhere. I look out a window and there’s a street below and other buildings across a narrow square. I hear the knock again I realize someone is at my front door.
Downstairs again, trying to find the door and bumping into shit in the dark. When I finally open it a woman is walking away with a small group of kids. I’m about to step out but there are no steps! It’s all wrought iron railing and framework going down at a 45° angle towards the street below, but all the steps have been removed. With an arm on each railing I go skimming down, leaving the door open.
I catch up to the woman and say hello, can I help you? She says Hola! and I realize I have to speak to her in Spanish so I ask her Que quiere usted? She says in Spanish that she’s looking for a teacher for her children. I say, well I do know about such and such (listing a bunch of subjects in Spanish) but I am not qualified to be a teacher. She says oh ok, and they keep walking down the cobblestone street.
So I'm standing there, just looking at this house. It's a huge creepy ol' Victorian mansion of two or three stories with freaky gables and dusty windows alongside the square. Both entrances have these wrought iron staircases, and crowding each one is a long line of people up to each door! A guy goes into one, and a rather large black woman goes into the other. The doors shut behind them. All these people are trying to get into my house. I yell at them, hey! what the hell are you doing? and go shimmying up the stairway alongside the queue of people and some people are going eh man, don’t cut and I’m like, this is my house, what are YOU doing?
When I get to the top of the stairs the door is locked, so I climb the frame and squeeze through a small window above the door and now I’m inside the dark house again. The guy is is creaking around somewhere, but the large woman is nearby. She is acting strange, feeling her way about, whispering woOOOoooOOoo trying to scare herself. This is weird…
Lady, what are you doing in my house?
She says, don’t you know? This is a haunted house with a real ghost. It’s famous! Everybody knows this. People come in here to get a thrill and see the ghost. I say, no way I don’t believe in any of that stuff, and she says oh you will!
I hustle her towards the door. She’s giggling, but her eyes are wide and frightened. Into the darkness of the spooky house she calls out the ghost’s name, an ancient Spanish name.
By now I’ve had enough. I say no no no – there’s no ghost. Get the fuck out! I’m out on the doorstep shooing all the people away. Seriously, over a 100 people in line trying to get in and they all believe this is a haunted house. I slam the door, standing alone in the dark house again. A chill comes over me, an eerie feeling. Whoa!
Something is clawing at the door. A slow scraping sound. I open the door again to find this skeleton hand moving across the edge of the door. It’s not made of real bone but of some metal. I yank it off and throw it down into the square. The crowd has vanished. A few people are bustling around normally. I close the door once more.
So now I’m all alone in the house and it’s very dark and I’m thinking this really is a freaky house. But I have an idea — I’m going to turn on all the lights!
Walking around flipping light switches, but no lights come on. Is the power out? Some switches are mangled and difficult to turn on, like there hasn’t been electricity for many years.
Suddenly a light does come on in the area of the first switch and I realize there’s a delay, like the lights need to be warmed up. So I continue walking about turning on lights everywhere. The stereo starts blasting an upbeat Huey Lewis tune through the acoustic caverns of the old house. Now the whole place is brightly lit, with many beautiful multicolored lights glinting off glass shelves and polished wood walls. The furniture is really classy and stylish. I'm thinking this place is really cool, like a party house. The dogs come bounding down, bringing life and action. I'm really stoked so I lie down and drift off to sleep.
A little while later I wake up on the floor in the house, and another great song is playing. I’m fumbling around trying to find my MP3 player so I can record this dream…