The Ten Billion Dollar Bill
Dream | July 23, 2010
Two friends and I rob a bank. In the safe is a bunch of junk and a ten billion dollar bill.
My two accomplices are Fred, who is not too bright but a good guy, and Paul, who is a schemer of questionable moral fiber.
I don't remember very much of the heist except for opening the safe and being elated when we discover this strange bill on a small pile of dusty boxes. Afterwards we are disappointed there is nothing of value to immediately divide up, except for this bank note which may be difficult to redeem.
The bill itself is small, about 50% the size of a normal dollar bill. For some reason the 10 on the front is crossed out and an "8" is drawn over it. The words "Ten Billion Dollars" and a version with 10 zeros are printed in their respective fonts.
We're staying at a resort in the country and the time comes to part ways. As we walk down the broad Spanish steps the question arises who is going to hold the ten billion dollar bill? Fred takes the bill and starts to tear it into three sections. I yell and take it from him, stashing it in my pocket. I say I'm going to safeguard it because I'm the leader and the most trustworthy. As I walk away I glance around at other folks at the resort. It occurs to me that if someone finds out I have a $10,000,000,000 bill in my pocket, they're going to shoot me and take it.
So I give it back to Fred. Perhaps his idiocy will be his stealth. Maybe nobody will suspect he has such a thing on him.
We part ways and I go use the restroom before heading to the beach for the day. I've rented a large innertube like a round raft that I drape myself over. It spins around and jumps waves and water splashes everywhere. The day is sunny and bright, the water is a crystal-clear blue and I'm having a grand ol' time.
The current takes me into a little bay. Nearby is an orange flag which represents a diver in the water. A little paranoia seeps into my fun time. I have this idea that I have a large fortune with me (a big bag of diamonds) and this diver is seeking to steal it from below, or overturn the raft and kill me for it.
The raft is close to shore so I paddle in and beach it. Then I'm looking through some waterproof bags and pockets for this imaginary bag of diamonds when a fellow walks by and we start talking about motorcycles. He's telling me about this little bike of his and I ask about the make and model. He describes it as a Moto Guzzi 2600 and I remark I never heard of a bike with a 2600cc engine.
All the while I'm turning the raft upside down and rooting through compartments and wondering where is that bag of diamonds? I get a little pissed off before I realize it wasn't diamonds but a ten billion dollar bill!
The conversation with this fellow about his bike peters off and I wander back to the resort. I learn that Fred has gone off to Tijuana for his vacation. On the way out of the resort I go through the gardens and come upon this rectangular hedge about 50 feet high and 200 feet wide. On its flat face an image of the ten billion dollar bill is carved. At one end are large letters describing it as the "Hammerhead Bill" and revealing its value as only $300 to collectors for its rarity, yet unredeemable at banks. Towards the bottom is a final note that people have gotten killed over it.
It dawns on me that our heist is a failure and that Fred might be in serious trouble.
In Tijuana Paul is scheming to get the bill from Fred. Somewhere in the chaos of streets Paul's Cadillac breaks down and he goes out on foot. After he leaves, some rinky-dink service run by these crazy people pull up and run some cables into his car to try jump-start it.
Meanwhile Fred is ambling about, gawking at the trinkets in shops. Paul sneaks up and picks his pocket, snagging the ten billion dollar bill. At first Fred doesn't know this but then he sees Paul turn the corner. Realizing what has happened he thinks he's going to reason with Paul. But Paul is a psychopath and will kill Fred to keep the bill.
So Fred is running after Paul, who gets to his car and fires it up. As he's screeching away the cables from the other car snap and cause an electrical explosion in Paul's Cadillac. This causes his vehicle to behave erratically as he's tearing through the maze of streets, plowing into stands and carts and bashing other cars. Soon the cops are in pursuit with their sirens wailing.
Around this time I've met up with Fred and explained to him about the bill. Fred's like, "Aw fuck, Paul's gonna get himself killed over this thing."
Paul turns onto a long bridge high over the river, mowing down some pedestrians on the way. He's hauling ass and doesn't realize until too late that a building has been constructed right across the middle of the bridge, blocking the way. But he's determined to get out of town so he guns his Cadillac full bore into this building to smash through it.
Fred and I hear this tremendous crash and arrive in time to see Paul's car swing halfway out of the building and emerge over the side of the bridge. It's teetering there like a see-saw. The police have gathered around in a semi-circle, all guns pointing at Paul. He's a bloody mess, hanging out of the driver's side window high above the river, still clutching that worthless ten billion dollar bill.
And that's when I wake up...